Under One Small *
[BGmusic: Soldier by Ingrid Michaelson]
Quote for the day:
“Get up and get down and get outside.”
- Frank Turner, Reasons Not To Be An Idiot
[Are you an idiot? This will help you!]
You’re a big-picture kind of person, but also being a half-empty-glass kind of person means this isn’t a good thing. Often you find yourself awake hours before your alarm, overwhelmed, thinking, “What am I going to mess up today?” I can only imagine how hard it gets to crawl out of bed when it seems like the safest place on earth–there you have no expectations to live up to, no tightropes to teeter across, no poison darts to dodge, no pressure.
It takes a lot of courage to get up and go out in the real world, to interact and open up to people just as fragile as you are. Right now, blind, stupid courage is all you’re running on. You fervently hope and pray that your heart won’t give out any time soon, because when it’s not falling apart, the real world can be wonderful. Though you know it can’t stay intact forever, for now you’ll try not to overthink, try to live in the now, and enjoy this rare togetherness while it lasts.
Promises, promises
June was pretty wonderful. I wish I wrote more while it was happening. Correction, I wish I wrote, period.
Blog, I’ll pay more attention to you this month.
If The World Ends Tonight
This is the cover of one of my favorite children’s books. It’s about great friendships and death and the afterlife. If the world ends tonight, I want us to take our cues from there.
So here’s the gameplan: I expect a lot of dancing in heaven, so you’ll recognize me by how, graceless even in the afterlife, I’ll be making a fool of myself in that cloudy disco. Sing to me a song we both loved, and even if our memories of each other have been fogged up and erased in the transit between earth and sky, deep down we’ll know that we have found each other once again. Let’s sit down and have a picnic with our childhood pets. You bring cheese sandwiches and I’ll bring juice and fruit for past hamsters/kittens/bunnies/puppies/gerbils/etc. We’ll start from the beginning. Tell me your favorite colors and ice cream flavors. Show me your best tricks: roll your tongue, cartwheel, burp through the alphabet, anything. Just take your time, because it’s you and me, me and you, together again in a whole lot of eternity.
Disclaimer: Just so you know, I don’t believe in all this May 21 rapture day crap. Everyone knows the world’s going to end in 2012…..
Hot Summer Night
[BGmusic: Fly Love by Jamie Foxx]
Quote for the day:
What am I supposed to be?
Look at me, oh my love.
Here I am, what am I supposed to do?
Here I am, what can I do for you?- John Lennon
A lot happened recently. Look around and you’ll agree. The universe has been throwing people in the most unexpected directions–people have lost/gained friends, pets, jobs, direction, boyfriends, girlfriends, complicatedfriends, etc.
But. For some strange reason nothing major has happened to me, and save for some self-inflicted drama, all I have to show for myself is a tan [thank you, office team building exercise] and a bad haircut. [I went to get my bangs trimmed and my stylist got overexcited with the scissors. Now I have Amelie-bangs--perfectly adorable if you have Audrey Tautou's bone structure, but I don't so I just look like a dweeb.]
Anyway, I’m really really happy for developments in other people’s lives and everything, but living vicariously through my books and friends’ stories gets old after a while. It doesn’t have to happen now, but I need to know that one day I will step out of the chorus line and see what it’s like to be Out There. Is that too much to ask, world? Just one solo. One line, even?
I promise I’ll spare the universe from my dancing.
Please?
4/21/11
UPDATE: I change my mind. I like the safety of the chorus line too much to put myself out there. Thank you and have a nice day!
U & I
[BGmusic - They by Jem]
Your problem is you don’t know what yours are, to you they’re not even there.
Yours and mine I know too well, my problem is that I care.
On Connections
[BGmusic: Rib Cage by Elbow]
Together, we cry.
- The Script
Yesterday an 8.9 earthquake hit Japan.
Etc.
The whole day I was looking for comfort in a shared moment of silence, maybe someone to pray with me, anything that let me know that others around me were grieving too. I didn’t get it so I ended up canceling my evening plans so I could mourn over it by myself.
Tangent thought:
There’s a power in group emotion that I covet. I want other people to laugh at things that I find funny, I want them to cry when I cry, I want them to feel sorry for the animals and give up meat like I did–I want all of this because being part of a group is comforting. It’s a comfort that still eludes me because most people don’t laugh at things I find funny, or cry over things I cry over, etc. It’s not like I purposely interest myself in things that only few appreciate for the sake of not being mainstream, I’m not that lame, it’s just the way things are.
I R Disappoint
Sons of Adam,
I am fast losing hope in your kind.
I don’t want to hate you – I really don’t – so if you’re reading this, please try to act like decent human beings.
Truly tired of dealing with jerks and
Sincerely wanting to renew her faith in you,
Daughter of Eve
On Being Unprepared
[BGmusic: C & F by Antarctica Takes It!]
Quote for the day:
I just wanted a picture! You can’t disappoint a picture!
- Troy, Community S02E16: Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking
The thing about “waiting for life to happen” that is oh-so-popular with the twenty-somethings-stuck-in-ruts such as myself is that we often overlook the importance of being ready when things actually start happening.
Forced metaphor time. Say you’re on a surfboard and you’re waiting for a good wave, and you wait and wait and wait for aaaages, and when it finally comes, you’ve got your back turned and end up being swept under the sheer force of the water. Or you’ve been baking something complicated – a souffle – and when it’s ready, you find that you’ve misplaced your gloves, and so you have to choose between burning your fingers or ruining your pastry. Or you’re a Jewish bridesmaid and after waiting all night for the bridesgroom to come you find that you haven’t got any oil for your lamp, so like the sad schmitty you are you get left out of the partay. Etcetera.
I’ve been waiting for adventure in the great wide somewhere for so long; long enough to make me an expert in waiting but terrible at everything adventuring requires. True story.
