Quote for the day:

Everybody poops.

- some guy

Here’s today’s walking-home-from-the-corner-of-the-highway-five-minute reverie: If I were invisible I would stalk my life’s movers and shakers.

I’d skulk around in the bedrooms of the beautiful and powerful. I’d read over the shoulder of that-boy-I-haven’t-quite-gotten-over-yet. I’d sit in my former professors’ living rooms and see what soaps they watch.

I’d watch them clip their toenails, come home drunk and bleary-eyed, floss, and pick their noses. Not necessarily in that order.

Maybe then I would stop using them as measuring sticks for my physical attractiveness/intelligence/aptitude for greatness/and all that crap. Maybe then I’d let you see me and maybe then I wouldn’t care about what you’re thinking instead of pretending not to care, like I always, always do.

Quote for the day:

Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part.

- William Hazlitt

A long, long time ago, back in the days of Pogs and Tamagochi, I used to run around pretending to be the Pink Ranger/Sailor Venus/A Horse/Little Foot.

Now that I’m older and equipped with more sophisticated make-believe equipment, I pretend to be Cool/A Grown-Up/Good/Together/Someone You Would Be Friends With.

Pretend games weren’t always this depressing.

Quote for the day:

Oh, I don’t wanna know, oh, I don’t need to know
Everything about you…
And you don’t need to know that much about me.

- You and I, Wilco

Something to think about: do you think it’s possible for someone to truly know another person?

My sister, on one of her more introspective moods – products of what I suspect is PMS and too much emo music - asked me this question sometime last week. She thinks that it’s impossible, and I kind of agree, because hey, we-the-people-of-this-earth are hella messed-up. But I also think that people have different degrees of knowability [that's not a word but I'm sticking to that term for the sake of this discussion-slash-monologue]; for example, you only need to spend a few days with Ms. X to feel that you’ve known her your whole life, while Mr. Y remains a mystery even after spending a lifetime with him.

I belong to Mr. Y’s group, the group of people who keep themselves to themselves. Sure, there are pitfalls to not having someone out there to finish your sentences and understand your mood swings, and yes, it does get a little lonely, but on behalf of Mr. Y and the People Who Keep Themselves to Themselves, I would like to say that a little mystery never hurt anyone [okay, maybe not "never", but you get my drift]. A world where people are exactly what they seem to be would be a world devoid of Judases and Delilah’s, but it would also be a world without Mr. Darcy’s, Esmeralda’s, and a good two-thirds of the Bond girls – just think!

The trick for people from Mr. Y’s group to stay intact and veer away from our implosive natures is to find a Ms. Z.

Ms. Z was born with a knack for reading people. She only needs a little body language and inflections in your voice to know what it is you’re really thinking and maybe even why. On Mr. Y and Ms. Z’s initial meeting, Mr. Y may feel a little threatened to find that this person he barely knows acts as if she has him all figured out; Mr. Y, the unknowable, figured out – imagine that! But perhaps after a little time, after a little earning and giving of trust, one wouldn’t be surprised to find the makings of a deeply-dippy beautiful friendship.

So here’s to the Ms. X’s, thank you for making this often nonsensical life a little more… sensical. Earth needs more of your kind.

To fellow Mr. Y’s, while it’s all well and good to stay true to ourselves, let’s try to make it easier for the rest of the world who are reaching out and just dying to get to know us better. Let’s do this soon, before they get bored of our shtick and we end up bitter and alone.

And lastly, I know this is a pretty roundabout way of getting my point across but by now you should be used to it – to the Ms. Z’s – especially my Ms. Z’s, you know who you are – this is a love letter to you. Thank you for your time and seemingly everlasting patience. May you keep reading into our long-drawn silences and manic episodes, keep knowing when to leave us alone and when to give pennies for our thoughts, and keep helping the rest of the world understand us – Mr. Y and the Unknowables – because we need all the help we can get.

The break I took from this blog took a lot longer than I had anticipated, and for that, dear readers – if you are still out there – I apologize.

Life looks a lot different from what it was like when I last updated, but I’m pretty much the same old dork who left this blog in September. An 8-hour desk job [now referred to as The Job] hasn’t made a corporate clone out of this one… yet.

The Job has taught me to formulate battle plans for the daily rush hour commute, and to savor the company of a good book on those twenty+-minute train rides. The Job has taught me to love fifteen minute breaks; how to sleep at 10 and wake up at 6; how to laugh at the face of office drama [and how to hold back your laughter]; the importance of having an every-flavor group of friends; the art of finding novelty in routine. Most notably, The Job has taught me a little about the value of time, especially time of the free breed – now a rarity, and the primary excuse why I “couldn’t blog”.

So if I were to blame anything for prolonging the hiatus, the obvious thing to point at would be The Job. But you don’t want a scapegoat. If you’re here it just means you want more of me. [If you don't, I seriously don't know what it is you're doing here. You're either lost or in dire need of a hobby.]

Blog, it’s good to be back.

This is DQ, finishing up my week-long daily updating brouhaha with this note:

YOU MUST READ THE ABOMINABLE CHARLES CHRISTOPHER.

Quote for the day:

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.”

- The Wonder Years

I have a bit of a Peter Pan complex.

Let me illustrate.

I am twelve years old. My best friend and I are washing our faces at a sleepover, and I notice that she’s wiping off this green sparkly gunk off her eyelids. I am shocked, because (a) I’m with this girl all the time and I didn’t notice anything, and (b) this is grown-up stuff; I am still [secretly] hosting bedroom tea parties with my stuffed animals. Feeling stunted and a little betrayed at the revelation that my best friend is ready to grow up before I am, I try putting on make-up the next day. Some classmates notice, and ask me if I am wearing eyeshadow. I am mortified. I scoff at their faces, avoid eye contact, and before the first class, run to the bathroom to wash it all off.

High school: the girls in my class pair themselves up with their very eager counterparts from the local all-boys high school. I imagine their meetings to be like that centaur mating ritual scene from Fantasia [which, can I just say, is the best centaur courtship scene ever - I can watch it over and over again and it's still magical... *sigh* Disney is behind my unrealistic expectations regarding love and courtship... scratch that, they're behind everything].

My friends try to bring me with them to talk to the pretty [?] boys, but I don’t feel like enough of a… woman to do any of that. To keep my friends happy [i.e. because I am a pushover], I entertain a few textmates. When these boys tell me they want to meet, I stop replying. Story of my life.

Aaaand I take a year off before going to college because I’m not ready.

College: the world is telling me to grow up, and I am too busy being busy to pay attention. I don’t apply for a job until four months after I graduate.

Present day: I am about to start working, about to find my own place, about to begin paying taxes, and you know what? Having to face all this grown-up stuff isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be [okay, maybe going through my pre-employment medical exam was a little frightening]. And maybe I’ll never be as mature as the next girl-er-woman, but I don’t think I’m going to be running away from this stuff anymore.

Or at least I’m going to try not to. It’s a start.

This has been Day 6 of my I-will-update-my-blog-every-day-for-a-week resolution!!!

King Rat by Modest Mouse, music video directed by Heath Ledger

This has been Day 5 of my I-will-update-my-blog-every-day-for-a-week resolution!!!

I apologize for the last three posts, I’ve been spending a lot of time away from my laptop [hooray], and when I get home I’m all tired and too sabaw to function. Tomorrow I’ll actually give writing a go.

Quote for the day:

“A baby is God’s way of saying the world should go on.”

- Doris Smith

I wasn’t always like this.

This has been Day 4 of my I-will-update-my-blog-every-day-for-a-week resolution!!!

This has been Day 3 of my I-will-update-my-blog-every-day-for-a-week resolution!!!