This is the cover of one of my favorite children’s books. It’s about great friendships and death and the afterlife. If the world ends tonight, I want us to take our cues from there.
So here’s the gameplan: I expect a lot of dancing in heaven, so you’ll recognize me by how, graceless even in the afterlife, I’ll be making a fool of myself in that cloudy disco. Sing to me a song we both loved, and even if our memories of each other have been fogged up and erased in the transit between earth and sky, deep down we’ll know that we have found each other once again. Let’s sit down and have a picnic with our childhood pets. You bring cheese sandwiches and I’ll bring juice and fruit for past hamsters/kittens/bunnies/puppies/gerbils/etc. We’ll start from the beginning. Tell me your favorite colors and ice cream flavors. Show me your best tricks: roll your tongue, cartwheel, burp through the alphabet, anything. Just take your time, because it’s you and me, me and you, together again in a whole lot of eternity.
Disclaimer: Just so you know, I don’t believe in all this May 21 rapture day crap. Everyone knows the world’s going to end in 2012…..
[BGmusic: Fly Love by Jamie Foxx]
Quote for the day:
What am I supposed to be?
Look at me, oh my love.
Here I am, what am I supposed to do?
Here I am, what can I do for you?
- John Lennon
A lot happened recently. Look around and you’ll agree. The universe has been throwing people in the most unexpected directions–people have lost/gained friends, pets, jobs, direction, boyfriends, girlfriends, complicatedfriends, etc.
But. For some strange reason nothing major has happened to me, and save for some self-inflicted drama, all I have to show for myself is a tan [thank you, office team building exercise] and a bad haircut. [I went to get my bangs trimmed and my stylist got overexcited with the scissors. Now I have Amelie-bangs--perfectly adorable if you have Audrey Tautou's bone structure, but I don't so I just look like a dweeb.]
Anyway, I’m really really happy for developments in other people’s lives and everything, but living vicariously through my books and friends’ stories gets old after a while. It doesn’t have to happen now, but I need to know that one day I will step out of the chorus line and see what it’s like to be Out There. Is that too much to ask, world? Just one solo. One line, even?
I promise I’ll spare the universe from my dancing.
Please?
4/21/11
UPDATE: I change my mind. I like the safety of the chorus line too much to put myself out there. Thank you and have a nice day!
[BGmusic - They by Jem]
Your problem is you don’t know what yours are, to you they’re not even there.
Yours and mine I know too well, my problem is that I care.
[BGmusic: Rib Cage by Elbow]
Together, we cry.
- The Script
Yesterday an 8.9 earthquake hit Japan.
Etc.
The whole day I was looking for comfort in a shared moment of silence, maybe someone to pray with me, anything that let me know that others around me were grieving too. I didn’t get it so I ended up canceling my evening plans so I could mourn over it by myself.
Tangent thought:
There’s a power in group emotion that I covet. I want other people to laugh at things that I find funny, I want them to cry when I cry, I want them to feel sorry for the animals and give up meat like I did–I want all of this because being part of a group is comforting. It’s a comfort that still eludes me because most people don’t laugh at things I find funny, or cry over things I cry over, etc. It’s not like I purposely interest myself in things that only few appreciate for the sake of not being mainstream, I’m not that lame, it’s just the way things are.
(more…)
[BGmusic: Good Day by Luce]
Quote for the day:
“I’d be lying if I ran away, and so I’ll stay.”
- Greg Laswell, I’d Be Lying
I know, I know. Where have I been?
Honestly, I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just back to the -ber months, primarily because as months go, they’ve been pretty interesting.
And emotional.
Let me illustrate with my stupendous paint skillz:
[I forgot to label the axes but obviously x is time in months, and y is happy points.]
Point A: When I started losing things, literally and figuratively. I’d elaborate but… no.
(more…)
[BGmusic: Your Protector by Fleet Foxes]
Quote for the day:
Everybody poops.
- some guy
Here’s today’s walking-home-from-the-corner-of-the-highway-five-minute reverie: If I were invisible I would stalk my life’s movers and shakers.
I’d skulk around in the bedrooms of the beautiful and powerful. I’d read over the shoulder of that-boy-I-haven’t-quite-gotten-over-yet. I’d sit in my former professors’ living rooms and see what soaps they watch.
I’d watch them clip their toenails, come home drunk and bleary-eyed, floss, and pick their noses. Not necessarily in that order.
Maybe then I would stop using them as measuring sticks for my physical attractiveness/intelligence/aptitude for greatness/and all that crap. Maybe then I’d let you see me and maybe then I wouldn’t care about what you’re thinking instead of pretending not to care, like I always, always do.
[BGmusic: I have no idea what this song is but it's by MuteMath]
Quote for the day:
“The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.”
- Harlan Ellison
(more…)
Dear Headache,
This will be my first and last letter. Enough is enough. I’ve been letting you bring out the worst in me, and I will not make patol to you henymore. I will not talk, I will not write, and I will control my body language. No more drama. No no no no drama.
Sincerely,
DQ