[BGmusic: the occasional torotot]
Quote for the day:
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
- Bill Vaughan
First of all, my blog is back up! So to the two people who noticed that it was down (Hi Ali! Hi Dianne!), IT’S ALIVE!!! AGAIN!!!!
Today will be the first – and hopefully last – time I’m going to be spending New Year’s Eve alone. My dad and my brother are back in Davao with the rest of my extended family, my mom is on her way to the States to attend my cousin’s wedding, and my sister is with her husband’s family in Antipolo. Now I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me – I actually wanted to spend tonight alone. I could have booked my flight back to Manila a little later than I did, or I could have opted to join my brother-in-law’s family’s revelry. It’s just that those alternatives were too depressing: sending off this crappy year with a party that was bound to come with variants of the buzz question “How was 2013 good to you?” Ech.
I started 2013 with the highest of hopes. I had even made a list in my planner of things I really really REALLY wanted to happen in the year (I would put a picture here but it’s so happy and depressingly oblivious to what was coming that it’ll just make you and me cry), and thought that my optimism was more than enough to make things come into being.
2013 sucked me dry. It hit me in the heart/soul/spirit/self-esteem/etc, and then instead of leaving me alone to deal with the fallout, crept up to me while I was still reeling, and proceeded to kick me again and again and again and again and again until I had become accustomed to being so very very very sad.
I guess I can give 2013 some credit for not waiting until I had picked myself up before dealing the next blows. Kicking someone while they’re down dulls the pain in the end, I suppose.
It’s not that I didn’t have any good moments this year – I had plenty. But many of these good moments have become painful to look back on, and the few that should remain separate from the pain have gotten eclipsed by a despair like a bad fungal infection: the kind that persists on persisting.
2013 was shitty, but only 99.8% shitty. I did have a few high points that I can almost totally separate from all the bad vibes, one of them being:
And of course, it didn’t hurt that I had some beautiful souls to keep me company every now and then.
But yeah it was still shitty, and I’m glad to see this year go.
So anyway, my plan is locking myself up with the dog, Civilization V, a few movies, Downton Abbey’s Christmas episode, cookies, and maybe a few glasses of wine. Sounds like enough of a party to me. It’ll be a little bit like Bridget Jones’ solitary New Year, sans the drunken singing. Maybe.
On a lighter note, I can’t help but be hopeful for 2014. Not recklessly hopeful like I was last January, but I do have a handful of teeny tiny hopes for the next 365 days. The biggest of these teeny tiny hopes is the general hope that 2014 will be better. It should. It can’t get much worse than this, can it?
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P.S. I forgot to mention that I have one concrete resolution for 2014: IPL hair removal! Here’s to perpetually hairless armpits! So smooth!