[BGmusic: Devil's Tears - Angus & Julia Stone]
Quote for the day:
Is this what sadness is all about? Is it what comes over us when beautiful memories shatter in hindsight because the remembered happiness fed not just on actual circumstances but on a promise that was not kept?
- Bernhard Schlink, The Reader
The time you’ve spent waiting for the storm to tire has taken its toll.
You’ve been running scenarios in your head, thinking of possible ways to make everything fine again – to be fine again – and possibly even be better than fine. Happy, even.
You’ve thought of the things you’d say to him when you get the chance, and the things you’d want him to say in response, but even in your imagination, even when your actors get all their lines right, you have to stand up and yell, “Cut!”
“Start from the beginning,” you tell them. “Maybe then you’ll get it right.”
You hadn’t thought it possible to reach the point when words no longer hold any power, but you have found yourself there – in that desolate wasteland where there really isn’t anything else left to say.
You see, it’s because you’re spent. As for him – he’d already said all the right things. (And how perfectly he had said them! It had been a lifetime ago. You were different people then, knees touching, hands clasped, hopeful and stupid.) Perhaps he had meant them. But now you’ve learned that words backed by good intentions aren’t enough – promises won’t keep you warm, won’t hold you close when you’re choking on tears, won’t lull you to sleep when you’re wide awake at night wondering if you’re stuck in a nightmare. And beautiful words – they only serve to lift you higher and higher, with no guarantee that there will be anything to catch you when you fall.
You now know better than to count on words. So you tell yourself that, should anyone else come along equipped with more beautiful words to paint a picture of how your life would be so much better with them in it, you’ll be ready with two words of your own:
* * *
This was a response to this week’s Truth Thursday: I Wish You Would Say.