[BGmusic: Kaleidoscope Heart by Sara Bareilles]
Quote for the day:
“We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.”
- Louise Glück
Recently in my poetry class, sometime during the discussion of my favorite poem [link], my professor directed us to the quote above. His take on this was that basically, what Glück meant was that we only really experience the world once – during childhood – and that the rest of your life is composed of nothing but replays [or at least remixes?] of what happened in your formative years. To put it simply, if you had a messed up childhood, you’re screwed.
This wasn’t new to me, but just confirmed what I already knew. See, I was pretty much bullied relentlessly by everyone I knew until the third grade. I went to a school that had sections for special children, and it got so bad that I even saw deaf kids making fun of me. It was rough, and though I’ve forgiven the very worst of the bullies and instigators, I still have those hang-ups, those niggling voices in the back of my mind telling me that I’ll never be good enough to be fully accepted by anyone ever. It’s why I retreat to my own company when I feel excluded or why I need constant affirmation or why confrontation and rejection affects me more than it should - no matter how hard I try to get over it or how removed I seem to be from the past, deep inside I will always be that little girl watching everyone else at play, hoping for someone to ask me to join.
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This is my response to this week’s Truth Thursday prompt: When It Was Over. Truth Thursdays is a project started by my sister’s friend to encourage honest discussion and soul-baring. I won’t be linking this to the discussion there because it’s too much of a downer and I feel like I over-shared but if you just happened to stumble across this post then that’s okay. [But I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention it if we ever see each other IRL thanks!]