[BGmusic: We Are Golden by Mika]

Quote for the day:

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.”

- The Wonder Years

I have a bit of a Peter Pan complex.

Let me illustrate.

I am twelve years old. My best friend and I are washing our faces at a sleepover, and I notice that she’s wiping off this green sparkly gunk off her eyelids. I am shocked, because (a) I’m with this girl all the time and I didn’t notice anything, and (b) this is grown-up stuff; I am still [secretly] hosting bedroom tea parties with my stuffed animals. Feeling stunted and a little betrayed at the revelation that my best friend is ready to grow up before I am, I try putting on make-up the next day. Some classmates notice, and ask me if I am wearing eyeshadow. I am mortified. I scoff at their faces, avoid eye contact, and before the first class, run to the bathroom to wash it all off.

High school: the girls in my class pair themselves up with their very eager counterparts from the local all-boys high school. I imagine their meetings to be like that centaur mating ritual scene from Fantasia [which, can I just say, is the best centaur courtship scene ever - I can watch it over and over again and it's still magical... *sigh* Disney is behind my unrealistic expectations regarding love and courtship... scratch that, they're behind everything].

My friends try to bring me with them to talk to the pretty [?] boys, but I don’t feel like enough of a… woman to do any of that. To keep my friends happy [i.e. because I am a pushover], I entertain a few textmates. When these boys tell me they want to meet, I stop replying. Story of my life.

Aaaand I take a year off before going to college because I’m not ready.

College: the world is telling me to grow up, and I am too busy being busy to pay attention. I don’t apply for a job until four months after I graduate.

Present day: I am about to start working, about to find my own place, about to begin paying taxes, and you know what? Having to face all this grown-up stuff isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be [okay, maybe going through my pre-employment medical exam was a little frightening]. And maybe I’ll never be as mature as the next girl-er-woman, but I don’t think I’m going to be running away from this stuff anymore.

Or at least I’m going to try not to. It’s a start.

This has been Day 6 of my I-will-update-my-blog-every-day-for-a-week resolution!!!